Content

I am content with life. Its true.

I am peaceful with almost everything that happens. I am calm and collected in moments that I would have flown off the handle had they happened last week.

I am totally fine being single, I am good with not living on campus, I am okay with not having any money, everything is good.

I don't need a boyfriend, I don't need a guy to text me all day, I don't need somebody to hang out with on Friday and Saturday nights, I don't need that. Everybody is looking for that right now, and I fell into it a bit, but I've realized that I don't even really want it.

As much or a lie as that may seem, its true. As much as I seem to "need" a man, I know that I don't.

I already wake up everyday with a good attitude, I don't need somebody to tell me I look good. I already end the day on a good note, I don't need to kiss anybody goodnight. My phone dies by 3pm even when I don't use it at all, I certainly don't need to text all day. I don't need a boyfriend. I don't want a boyfriend.

Now, I don't think I'm going to go a year without boys, but I'm not sure that I'm supposed to either. I don't think I spend enough time figuring out if that's really what God wants for me, or if this is what He wants for me. For me to just realize that I can go without somebody and I can just wait for whatever He wants to happen, to happen.

There are still guys that I am attracted to, and maybe within time, that will pan out, maybe not, who cares? I'm done focusing on it, I'm done putting all my energy into it. I can't control it any more now then I could before, so I'm not going to try.

I looove my bed. It's glorious. And while tempurpedic mattress pads do wonders for dorm beds, those are still only twin sized beds, and mine is a queen, thus giving me tons of room to move around, have 2 body pillows, and be comfortable. I am totally fine with not living on campus. I pretty much live there for free whenever I want, so its nice to have that option, and I am always there, but I can always come home to my bed, and even though I definitely still can when I do live on campus, my parents might start to wonder why they're spending tons of money for me to sleep at their house..

I am down to only a $75 debt! Yay!! I will have that paid off after two weeks of working. But I'm not working for the next three weeks because the kids are off track. Well, then I guess I will have that paid off in 5 weeks. Still better then nothing. Once I've paid off my debt I'm going to continue signing my checks over to my mom until I have paid her an extra $200 which she will save for me until I open up a new bank account at Altura, my long lost love. Hopefully having money in the bank before I even have a bank will help me with keeping the money in said bank. No more overdraft fees for me! (BTW, Altura only charges $30 for overdraft and they don't have the extended overdraft fee. yay!)

Life is good! <3

I don't want to get off this ride

If there is one thing I have learned this week, its that I really need to let things come in due time.

I'm conforming to the world's standards and expectations that everything has to happen now, because if it doesn't, it may not happen at all.

But it will.

It will happen when God wants it to happen.

There is a reason it's only November and not January, therefore inhibiting me from living on campus at present; and there is a reason I did not move on campus in September.

There is a reason I'm only eighteen.

There is a reason Tuesday comes after Monday and that Wednesday does not occur more often during the week.

There is a reason that I am who I am, I feel what I feel, I think what I think, and I want what I want.

But I need to let all that pan out when the time is most appropriate; and there is no way for me to know when that will be.

So I am, once again, giving everything up to God:

Hold me, my wants, my needs, my hopes, and my flaws.

Help me to know that everything is going to be fine;

and inspire me to enjoy this journey.

I don't want to get off this ride, I just want out of the cramped middle seat and in another seat that will allow me to see the beauty of everything I am riding through.