selflessness.

The concept of selflessness seems easy, until you're told you're doing it all wrong, or not actually doing it at all. Its something I've been faced with quite recently, and truth be told, I thought I was doing a pretty good job. My mom's mom died late Thursday night, an even I was already prepared for; she was in a coma for 3 days, and had already been in and out of the hospital for the last month. She couldn't eat, she could barely move, it was time. The time we had with her this past month made me almost wish she would just go, she was in so much pain, she didn't deserve to end her life that way. When she slipped into a coma, I felt somewhat relieved, at least she wasn't in pain anymore.
My mom is going through a really rough time and, honestly, I have no idea what to do. I sorta just want to leave her alone, let her cry and get it all out, but I also want to stop her crying and help her go on normally, as my grandma would've wanted. Here's where my selfishness gets in the way, this weekend gives me the best excuse to do what I do best in stressful situations-leave. Almost everyone I know is at youth convention, and the people who aren't staying down there, are going down for the day today, and of course, I really wanted to go. Not only is it a chance to get away, but all my friends are down there, aaaand Daniel has extra tickets, aaand tonight is the Switchfoot concert. Too many good things to pass up! But of course, I can't just leave my mom in the worst moment of her life; however, I have no idea what to do and all I can think of is to leave her be.
My dad said some things last night that slapped me in the face-hard! I was being extremely selfish, I was not seeing that all my mom wanted was to hang out with her family, all I was seeing was an opportunity to leave it and to be with my friends. Nonetheless, I'm staying in Corona today, my mom and I are going christmas shopping.