A Letter,

from the bottom of my heart:  

Dear Bank Of America,  

Despite the fact that I am a mere eighteen years of age, and a female at that, I am not as naive as you may think, I take good care of my checking account. I keep a written record of all my transactions, receive texts of my current balance daily, and follow online banking quite regularly, yet you show me a record different than what I have from all three sources (which all line up quite nicely, believe it or not).  

I would like to say thank you for your endless support on this issue, but really, you've not helped at all. May I remind you that when I called to get this straight and put in the secret code to speak to a representative, your automated system hung up on me. May I also state that the woman I spoke to today ignored my most important questions and walked away from me before I had fully understood the way you work. So much for your customer service ratings. I would just be absolutely astounded at this point if you actually told the truth once in awhile.  

I am sorry to say this (not really) but this just isn't working out for me. I may have found someone else, and I think it would be better if you just gave me my stuff back and we ended it now. Maybe one day we can be friends.  

Best Wishes,

Leanne.  

and you all wonder why I hate money!

Colorado, and all the little things it entails.

I've spent a great time of my life in Colorado, my dad's parents have lived out here since I was born and his brother and his girlfriend moved out here about 10 years ago (they've since gotten married and had a kid, so now his niece lives out here too). 

Most of the times that I've spent out here have been quite the enjoyable experience. Granted, I don't remember much from the early years, but from what I remember, said trips have always been good. 

Not until my cousin was born did I realize how much it bugs me being here. It may have something to do with the fact that I've grown in age and, arguably, maturity, or it may be that my aunts "better" side has come out with bearing a child. 

I'm trying to be the least bit judgmental here, but these people really do drive my up a wall at times. Within the last two years, I've spent time out here without my parents, and a few without my sister as well. My aunt and uncle already don't have any problem with sharing their opinions, no matter how offensive they may be, but with my parents absent, they're even more willing to do so. While being as nice as possible, I'm going to be blunt-their very narrow minded, dramatic, stubborn and selfish, and they don't care what anybody else thinks. I guess the nicest way to explain them would be "hard to deal with" so I'll stick with that. 

In the past year and a half that I've been involved heavily with church, they've been even harder to deal with. You see, they're very anti-religion; and believe me, they've made that VERY clear. I'm broken about it every day, but I realize that they've been given the freedom to make their own choices and that their choice has been made. I respect that, I never talk about it, I never make any connections to anything about it, I never bring it up in any way, whatsoever, ever. 

They never fail to bring it up though.. 

Over AIM not too long ago, I mentioned to my uncle that I was going to CBU, cause, well, I thought he would like to know what's going on in his niece's life. Buuut his response was.. "damn well dont be trying to convert us or any of that shit" Well, thanks for the enthusiasm and support, uncle. 

This current trip has been quite manageable, God has been with me, helping me to stay peaceful and helping to silence the judgements that usually would pop into my head at any given moment, so that has been good. Tonight my sister and I decided that we would spend as much time as we could with them before we left, and that we would spend the night at their house rather than at our grandma's. 

Turns out to not have been the best idea. I much rather prefer my Grandma's going to bed at 8pm and having the entire night left to do pretty much..nothing. We were all sitting watching TV, I had helped bathe the baby and read a story to her and left my aunt to finish the process of putting her to sleep, and everything was good. Until something about Sarah Palin came up.. how this connects is weird..i know. My aunt said

"Watch out for those people who use God for their own needs"

And my uncle quickly pointed at me.

I replied with, 

"Alright, I haven't said anything about it!!"

Which was met with,

"Yeah but the second you do, I will kick your ass!" from my uncle. 

And then he and my aunt sat there and lectured me on how stupid I was for "buying into it." 

Then, Thank You God, my uncle got a work call that he had to take, and my aunt's brother called her. 

But I was broken, and of course, I couldn't show them that it had affected me so, so I went to the bathroom and cried, and texted my mom and Bri. They both had encouraging words, and Bri sent me a prayer that she had said for me, and I was able to pull myself back together. It bugs me to no end that they can't have the respect to support their family in what each INDIVIDUAL choses to do. I respect their choices, why can't they respect mine. Back to the issue I have each time I can't understand something. Lame. 

I pray every night that somehow, God will soften their hearts. That they will come to see the Truth, or at least that Jessica, their daughter will be shown sometime in her life. And that if she is, and if she choses to follow Him, that they have the respect to let her do so. If you could join me in that, I would greatly appreciate it. I need all the help I can get. 

P.S. I'm in the bathroom right now to write this, because my uncle was reading my Facebook posts, so I didn't want to chance it, he'd just sit and lecture me some more. So here this is, to you, from me-while I sit on the toilet. 

Relationships, namely such with the opposite sex and God's funny little things with those.

Relating with the opposite sex has always been something I've struggled with. I've never done it "right." All too often I've confused lust with love and all too often I've acted upon that. I've also tried filling myself with the approval I occasionally got from guys, rather than the approval I always get from God. 

Lately I've done a better job of differing the two feelings, and not acting upon the lustful ones. I've been praying for God to not only fill me with Him, but also to bring me my one true love. Most of my friends are in relationships that seem to be ones that will last, ones that are God willed. And they're all so flippin cute ;p. But sometimes, especially when I'm around them, I feel alone. 

Sooo, I prayed and still do pray for Him to bring me a companion, and whilst praying, I am assured that he will come, and I am urged to keep my faith strong (Isaiah 7:9!!). 

When a certain handsome fellow started to show interest in me, I was stoked! I mean, he was suuper cute and I knew him from church, uh, score? I guess not. I had asked my friend to give him my number so we could start texting, cause thats what us teenagers do nowadays, and she did. I anxiously awaited his text, and it came, but so did an amazingly strong sense from God. I sat in that moment, not even yet had I replied to his initial text, and I asked God what I was feeling. He said no. He urged me not to pursue it like I had originally thought I would. He basically said, 

"Just be friends."

"What the?! How long have I asked and waited for You to bring me someone? And here someone is and you're telling me no?! But, God, he's cute!"

"Be still, and know that I am God.... friends"

Mind you, that is not a simple conversation with Him, thats more like 800 different conversations all simplified into one three sentence tidbit. 

So I'm still waiting, I'm still praying, and I'm still hoping. I'm trying my best to let God bring him to me and to not go out looking for someone I think will do, which is proving to not be so easy for me, but I think I'm holding up well. 

He also gave me this scripture from Daniel 10:12

"Do not fear, for from the first day you set your heart to understand, and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard"

Okay :)

CBU

Most recently, I got accepted to California Baptist University. 

And I couldn't be more excited about that! 

To be honest, Cal Baptist was never really a thought during high school. I knew I wanted to be a teacher by jr. year, but I always figured I would go to Cal State Fullerton. I'd never felt called to do anything back then, it was always what I wanted to do that would be so. By the middle of senior year, I knew there was something bigger for me, and I had chosen to go to Catalyst School of Ministry (I would pursue teaching later on). Then I started feeling like I was being to narrow minded, and that I should get all my schooling out of the way as soon as possible so I could pursue my greater dreams, like, for instance, having a family. And thats when the thought of going to Cal State Fullerton came back up. But I wanted something more. 

I knew I felt called to Catalyst because I am supposed to be involved in youth ministry, I really do believe that I could do a lot there. I wasn't just going to give that up because I wanted to lessen my time in school and have a family. I knew there had to be some place that I could go that would combine both elements. I immediately thought of Vanguard, cause, well, its beautiful there, and its almost right on the beach. AWESOME! But its also $36,000/year. HAH! nope. 

Then my mom suggested Cal Baptist, but I was still stuck on Vanguard, we could take out loans..thats why they offer them! But I decided to check it out, only because they don't have an application deadline, and by this time it was late June. So I applied, I wrote the essay, and I submitted it online, after tons of hard work, bum web browsers, and some lovely words to safari >:/. My mom and I visited it not long after aaaaand I loved it. 

As soon as I walked on campus, I felt home. There was a step-ahead orientation for other new students going on while we were there and we were lucky enough to get the opportunity to tag along with the parents tour. Everyone was so accommodating; we even got to eat lunch for free! score. (plus the food is amazing! ;])

I talked to the lady at the front desk, my mom gave her all my transcripts and AP scores and whatever else, and she gave us the card for my counselor. 

Not long after, my counselor called me and told me that he'd received my application and that he still needed two letters of recommendation, one academic letter, and one character reference. The academic letter seemed to be the hardest part, but thanks to Facebook, and Mrs. Shaw, I got that one done quite quickly thanks Mrs. Shaw:). The character reference was thought to be easier, I asked my neighbor to do it the day I applied. Much to my dismay though, she never actually did it. Jon, my counselor called in July and said he was still awaiting that. Then I asked Daniel Martinez to do one and he did, thanks Dan:). 

Before CBU had even received the letter from Daniel, Jon called me and said that they'd decided to accept me! I'm sure after they got the letter, they became even more confident in their choice, but that was still waaaay awesome! 

I went to my own Step-ahead orientation with another group of new students three days later, and they opened it with prayer, I knew then, that I was where I was supposed to be.

I've never doubted that God wanted me to go there. 

I can't wait to start :)

It's been awhile

It's sure been a long time since I've written..like, almost a month!

aand for that, I'm terribly sorry. 

I'm not sure why I haven't written in awhile, perhaps its because I've been really busy moving south campus back to Main St., or cause I got a macbook :) and I've been messing with/personalizing it, or because I got accepted to Cal Baptist (finally) and I've been too busy getting that all handled, or because I am sitting in my grandmother's house in Colorado. I don't know, but I can say that I have been busy. 

I know there have been events that I have needed to write about, I just haven't had the time, or words at each moment to write about them. It takes awhile to understand what's happening sometimes. God's funny like that. He knows I don't like things I can't understand and that I will most definitely waste all my time researching and trying to fully understand and make right the issue at hand, so He strings me along, just to keep me interested, I guess. 

I'll touch base on each event sometime during this week, but for now, here's a table of contents:

1. CBU

2. Relationships, namely,such with the opposite sex and God's funny little things with those.

3. Colorado, and all the little things it entails.

4. Being 18-updated. 

5. The book I'm writing. 

Stay tuned, these topics will be hit upon quite soon :)

<3

I don't know who you are, 

I don't know when I will finally meet you, 

but as I looked up to the moon last night, 

I heard Jesus tell me that you were looking at it too, 

from wherever you are. 

I am now at peace with the idea of waiting. 

I know that you're out there,

I know you're waiting too<3