jealousy

For whatever reason, I was jealous of everybody for everything. For their looks, their relationships, their parents, everything! I had a big issue trying to get over it as well. Everything seemed so perfect for everyone else. 

I prayed about it, Daniel did a message about it, I eventually got over it, sorta. Things kept getting better. Things I was jealous of, became mine. Things I always wanted, I got. I praised God for everything, He was really the only one who knew exactly what I wanted, and He gave it to me. 

But then things got weird again, and nothing was really working out how they should have. People I was jealous of just kept getting better and better, and now, I'm still jealous of them.  I pray all the time for everything to work out and I have faith that it will, I know it will, my only question is when?! Every time I think things are getting better, they turn themselves right back around. I don't know if there is something I'm doing thats making it turn around or if its just one test after another. I continue to praise God when things are bad and I'm learning more and more to go to Him for everything, but everything lately has left me wondering if this is how its going to be. Because if it is, I'm done. 

I honestly believe that God is telling me to hold on to everything right now. He's given me faith and strength in it all, He's stopped me from giving up countless times. Its only the beginning of life to come, sometimes thats the best thing about life, other times its the worst. Either way, I just pray that everything can go back to how it was when I was jealous of ME, because if I'm going to be jealous of anyone, I want to be jealous of me, I don't want to be jealous of others, I find that rude and disrespectful towards the both of us. Maybe jealousy won't ever go away, and thats the only way I can think of dealing with it. If I focus on the good, its easier to find reasons to be jealous of me, if I focus on what I have instead of what someone else has, I can be jealous of that, I guess. 

Jealousy is something I've always faced. I've recently thought of turning it around, and I think its worked, but there is just so much that God has in store for everybody around me, its hard to focus on what He has in store for me. I guess thats the draw back of being such a people person.